The Return

Back from Christmas traveling, back on Tumblr, recovering from being sick.

I just got to talk to Lauren, probably my oldest friend, with whom I have not talked in years. We grew up in good ol’ BA together, getting into so much trouble and having so much fun. Her mom was the first real surrogate parent I had. Her mom was the first of many to come who shaped my life into something much brighter than my home life. Her mom was the first suicide I ever knew, the first of many which irrevocably formed my feelings about death, loss, grief, life…

Because of the hustle and bustle of life, we lost touch after our first year of college. We still kind of kept up with each other over the internet from e-mail and blogs. It was so great to chat with her. We are planning on getting together while we are still on Christmas break since she is only two hours away for the duration.

It’s unnerving talking to her. It’s the most mixed experience. At once I feel weird and uncertain because we were so different the last time I saw her in person. And yet, it is the most fun and familiar feeling talking to her again because we both know so much about each other. When you know someone from such an early age you truly know who they are, what they are composed of, what is fundamental to their person. It is so natural to fall back into the familiarity of our friendship and yet the diplomatic adult in me suggests that I must proceed with caution lest I offend someone whose outward manners have changed.

How funny we humans are. We change, yet stay the exact same, and change again.

Weddings, Christmas, and What It All Really Means

I got really good at packing some time ago. I can bust out a well rounded suitcase in a reasonable amount of time. And unlike many a girlie girl, I can survive on the basics. For example: I abhor needing to bring more than one pair of shoes on any trip. What a pain. Shoes take up so much room.

The point, you see, is that I have a wedding to attend over our Christmas holiday. And that means one more damn pair of shoes in my suitcase. Fundamentally, I don’t mind since I don’t want to wear tennis shoes with a nice dress. But, you know. Shoes. Geez.

We will be staying with Brandon’s mom over Christmas and making a trip two hours away to my home town to go to one of my best friend’s weddings. I'm really excited to see her and am really happy that she is getting happily married. Yet, here starts rant that has nothing to do with her and what will, I'm sure, be a beautiful and meaningful ceremony:

In my personal and imperfect opinion, the modern wedding should be done away with. What a waste of time, money, effort, and ugly pink napkins! We have gotten it all wrong. With so much energy put into planning the ‘big day’, everyone - the bride and groom especially - forgets what is actually happening. They forget the meaning, the essence, and the importance of their undertaking. Kinda like Christmas. And, like Christmas, the wedding should be simplified down into a meaningful celebration of love.

It’s just my opinion, but I think everyone should elope. Lol. And if you want to include your family, let them come with you. Take youself, your spouse-to-be, some nice but simple dress clothes, and the few people in your life who are really important to you and have a small, truly intimate wedding. It really does make the entire experience much more… holy… special… real and true. Make it fun and stress free for everyone. Choose a place that will make a cake for you and set up a nice and simple place for the ceremony. Go somewhere that strikes your fancy, like the Caribbean, or Tahiti, or Alaska, or Ireland, or somewhere with striking mountains, or somewhere that means something to you. Hell, do it in your backyard.

I rant about this because soooo many people stress over wedding PLANNING. Ugh. Middle class America does not have enough money to make as much of a hulabaloo about their wedding day as they would like. And more often than not someone goes into debt over one day, three hundred coordinated napkins, glitter the color of the bride’s eyes, hair, makeup, tuxedos, rentals, blah blah blah blaaaah.

Do I sound jaded or cynical? I truly don’t mean to. I just know from personal experience that no stress and basic planning really make for a wonderful wedding day. I don’t do anything for Christmas that doesn’t mean something to me. I keep traditions that I value, put up decorations I love, and never stress over doing more than I can handle. Weddings should be the same. It’s time we realize that the marital celebration has been commercialized almost as heavily as Christmas. Our ideas of ‘the perfect day’ are not really our own.

Now that I am a parent, I have had to decide what I am going to teach my children about Christmas. Will we pretend Santa is real? Will we open only one present on Christmas Eve? What traditions will we carry on every year? Will it only be about presents… or something more? As I asked myself all of these things, I realised my own answers to these questions. To me, Christmas is about love. Santa, like God (for me), is just an expression of love, compassion, giving, and selflessness. We don’t have to have the tree or watch ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’ on t.v. every year for it to be Christmas. I want my kids to know that every year around this time we will just be doing our best to show our love for each other and everyone else on earth.

P.S. To my dear recently married friend, if you ever read this: I just felt the need to rant for many of the above mentioned reasons. I hope you know that I love you dearly and enjoyed your wedding tremendously. As we all know, I eloped, so have an impartial love for it! :)